... very upset. First of all passing these things off is very hard for me. I get very nervous and I have to go through it again. It's the longest concept I have ever seen, and most of all I can remember thinking or feeling that I should memorize it but I didn't.
Well, not passing bothered me so much that I couldn't even review (I couldn't remember parts of the first concept and it got worse, I could see myself throwing a chair against the wall, or something). I was filled with the wrong spirit and I couldn't work. I prayed, I pleaded, I tried many more times and nothing worked. Finally after feeling discouraged, unfairly-done-to, I excepted it was my fault. I was humbled.
Last night in an interview with my ADL (supervising teacher) he said we were so far ahead and so much smarter. I think the Lord's humbled (or humbling me). I'm sure I needed to know who was really responsible for the success, especially in my case. It has been pretty easy for me most of the way so far, and now I understand I was receiving help (much help). Now I'm scared. I feel like nothing or worthless. I need to do a good work here and I know that like this (on my own), I can't do it. I'm afraid the Lord needs me more humble, or put through more trials - and I might not make it.
I promised the Lord that I would get up an hour earlier tomorrow and try again to review what I missed today. I just pray that I am sufficiently humble and able to remember why things are working. I feel the Lord is trying to help me to understand that He was there doing His share. I'm sure he spent many hours waiting for me to try to give my share. I've been asking so much - being very selfish - and giving so little, at least not my fullest effort, and I gave it so reluctantly, expecting the help.
I will let you know how things go tomorrow. I know it won't be easy but now the Lord can expect all I can do. I have a hard time comparing myself with others too! Next Page
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