Missionary Journal (1978-1980) - Page 8

April 19, 1978

Well as far as memorizing goes, things are better - but its never been easy. I'm feeling down today but I'm not sure why. Last week (Thursday or Friday) I had a bad feeling that maybe something was wrong with Susan. Maybe something happened that she wouldn't want to bother me with, or Satan might be trying to get in his wedge and start working. I can't help but think back to a dream that Susan said Br. Michel had about her, one that really bothered him and maybe it's really bothering her. It hadn't bothered me again until I started to write her. I just couldn't get my heart in it; I wasn't happy and excited to write her like I have been before and I can't explain it.

I am writing this for a few reasons, first I want to remember to write and ask her if there was a problem. If I'm right, I'll see if I can help her. If I'm wrong, I can always look back and read this whenever I worry about Susan, and know that nothing is probably wrong. I am probably just feeling homesick. If nothing else, I can put this down on paper and get it off my chest and maybe stop worrying about it.

I know that I shouldn't worry about things like this and I try not to, but it happens still the same (good thing this is P-day and not a day when I should be working). I THINK THIS IS MY FIRST REAL LIVE HOMESICK!

It is interesting how they have this organized. It seems like they hit you with a whole lot right at first, and it takes a little while to get thinking that you'll give it your best. Then they hit you with a little more. After a while you start feeling like a missionary and that you might make it, then something else comes up. They never give you so much that you don't think you can do it with a little more effort, but you are never left thinking things are easy. Even if they don't add something new you always try to improve now you are doing with what you have. Before I came on my mission I had a hard time to do things like study the scriptures, write in my journal, take the time to show, etc. but here all those things are a ... Next Page