Missionary Journal (1978-1980) - Page 19

May 3, 1978

I just had a feeling and tears came to my eyes, and I cried and cried. And I could really ask myself then if I knew he was a prophet, and I could answer "yes."

Like I said, I'm so inexperienced with the Spirit and things that these times are very special to me. I still don't know if that's the testimony I need or not, but I had the feeling that the Lord might need to give to me these things line upon line, a little here and there because I'm afraid if I receive exactly what I want and need right now, all at once, I would stop searching for more and trying to grow because that's the way I, and all my wickedness, am. I feel I need to have faith in the Lord, be humble and wait in obedience for the time in His infinite wisdom, that He will bless me with all I want. I pray with all my heart for that end.

I can't help but think about Susan and something she wrote me that seems to be very true. She told me to be sure that I am working for the right reason - not for the competition, not for praise, but to glorify the Lord in His work of "feeding my sheep" (John 21:15). I was a little hurt and got defensive because she felt like she had to say something, so I wrote back and told her that I did know the reason I was here. But [then] I never stopped to think whether that was the reason I was working. I felt again in this meeting that the only reason (at times) that I wanted all eight [discussions memorized] was to prove to myself that I could do it, or [that I could] do as well as the others, [or] to prove that I was as good as they were, and to impress Susan at home with numbers. Now I feel really bad that I didn't except Susan's counsel and I really hope I didn't offend her with what I wrote. I love her and am impressed with her more and more every day. I'll write and apologize next week - hope and pray I can do it all.


I've been the acting district leader (ADL) for Jaen for two days [now] and I felt like I'd better write about some of the things that have happened so far. I was scared to death the first day, even though all I had to do was give them a tour and an orientation. I remember the first day that I came ... Next Page